🚽 Cheap-Ass Bidets: A Complete Guide
Bidets are one of the best quality-of-life upgrades you can make to your bathroom. They're cleaner, more eco-friendly, and save money on toilet paper. The problem? Commercial bidet attachments cost $30-300. But you can make one for $8-15.
Why You Need a Bidet
💧 Superior Cleanliness
Water cleans better than paper. It's just physics.
💵 Save on TP
Use 75% less toilet paper. Pays for itself in 2-3 months.
♻️ Eco-Friendly
Americans use 36.5 billion rolls of TP yearly. Be part of the solution.
😌 More Comfortable
Especially helpful for anyone with hemorrhoids or sensitive skin.
Option 1: Basic T-Valve Bidet ($8-12)
⏱️ Time: 20-30 minutes
💰 Total Cost: $8-12
What You Need:
- 7/8" Brass T-Valve Adapter - $3-5 (Home Depot, Amazon)
- Braided Steel Hose (12-18") - $4-6 (plumbing section)
- Small Shut-off Valve - $2-3 (optional but recommended)
- Hand-held Shower Sprayer or Spray Bottle Trigger - $3-8
- Teflon Tape - $1 (you probably already have this)
- Adjustable Wrench - (you definitely have this)
Step-by-Step Instructions:
- Turn off the water - Find the shut-off valve behind your toilet and turn it clockwise until tight.
- Flush the toilet - Hold down the handle to empty the tank completely.
- Disconnect the supply line - Unscrew the water supply line from the bottom of the toilet tank. Have a towel ready for a little water.
- Install the T-valve - Wrap the threads with Teflon tape. Screw the T-valve onto the bottom of the tank where the supply line was.
- Reconnect the supply line - Screw the original supply line back into the top port of the T-valve.
- Attach your bidet hose - Connect your braided hose to the side port of the T-valve. Attach the sprayer to the other end of the hose.
- Turn the water back on - Slowly turn the shut-off valve counter-clockwise. Check for leaks.
- Test it - Aim the sprayer into the toilet bowl and squeeze. Adjust water pressure as needed.
- Mount a small hook on the side of the toilet to hang the sprayer when not in use
- Start with low pressure your first time - the spray can be powerful!
- Keep a small towel nearby for drying (or use a few squares of TP)
- If you want temperature control, you'll need the upgraded version (see Option 2)
- This provides COLD water only. Most people find it refreshing, but it's not for everyone.
- Make sure all connections are tight to prevent leaks
- Don't overtighten - hand-tight plus a quarter turn is usually enough
Option 2: Warm Water Bidet ($15-25)
⏱️ Time: 45-60 minutes
💰 Total Cost: $15-25
Additional Materials Needed:
- All items from Option 1
- Second T-Valve for hot water line - $3-5
- Additional braided hose - $4-6
- Y-Connector or Mixing Valve - $5-8 (allows blending hot and cold)
Installation Steps:
- Complete Option 1 installation - Follow all steps for the cold water setup.
- Locate your sink's hot water supply - Usually under the bathroom sink.
- Install second T-valve - Same process as the toilet, but on the hot water line under the sink.
- Run the second hose - Connect a hose from the sink's T-valve to your toilet area. You may need to drill a small hole in the vanity or run it along the baseboard.
- Install the mixing valve - Connect both hot and cold hoses to the Y-connector/mixing valve, then connect to your sprayer.
- Adjust temperature - Turn on both valves and adjust the hot/cold balance to your preference.
- Install individual shut-off valves on both hot and cold lines for easy temperature adjustment
- Use PEX tubing instead of braided hose for a cleaner look if running long distances
- Label your valves (H and C) so you don't forget which is which
Option 3: Portable Bidet Bottle ($0-5)
⏱️ Time: 2 minutes
💰 Total Cost: Free to $5
Perfect for renters, travelers, or people who want to try before committing to installation.
What You Need:
- Squeeze bottle with angled spout (like a sports water bottle or ketchup/mustard bottle)
- OR Peri bottle from any pharmacy ($3-5)
- That's it!
How to Use:
- Fill the bottle with warm water (test temperature first!)
- Do your business
- Angle the spout and squeeze for a gentle cleaning spray
- Pat dry with TP or a small towel
- Rinse bottle and refill for next time
- Keep the bottle within reach - on the toilet tank or a small shelf
- Use a bottle with measurement marks so you know how much water you use
- This method is gentle enough for postpartum care or hemorrhoid treatment
- Great for camping/RV/travel
Commercial Alternatives (If DIY Isn't Your Thing)
Okay, we get it - not everyone wants to DIY. Here are the cheapest commercial options that don't suck:
Basic Attachment
$25-35
Brands: Luxe Bidet Neo 120, Brondell SimpleSpa
Cold water only, mechanical pressure control. Does the job.
Dual Temperature
$40-60
Brands: Luxe Bidet Neo 320, Tushy Classic
Hot and cold mixing. Requires hot water line access.
Electric Heated
$80-150
Brands: Bio Bidet SlimEdge, Tushy Ace
Heats cold water electrically. No hot water line needed, but requires outlet.
FAQ
Is cold water really that bad?
Most people get used to it within a week. It's actually refreshing. Think of it like a cold shower - initially shocking, but you adapt quickly.
Will this increase my water bill?
Barely. You'll use about 0.1-0.2 gallons per use. At typical water rates, that's less than a penny.
What about drying?
You can use a small amount of toilet paper (way less than before), a dedicated towel, or let air dry for 30 seconds. Your call.
Is this sanitary?
More sanitary than toilet paper alone. The water pressure keeps everything clean, and you're not making contact with anything.
Will my landlord care?
The T-valve installation is 100% reversible and doesn't modify the toilet. Just unscrew it when you move out.
What about pressure problems?
If your toilet has low water pressure, the bidet might be weak. Test your water pressure first by disconnecting the supply line and seeing how hard the water flows into a bucket.
Ready to Join the Bidet Revolution?
Your butt (and wallet) will thank you. Pick an option above and get started today.
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